Humor: The Rules From A Man's Perspective
Learn to work the toilet seat
You're a big girl
If it's up, put it down
We need it up, you need it down
You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you
Live with it.
Saturday = sports
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides
Let it be.
Don't cut your hair
Ever
Long hair is always more attractive than short hair
One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Shopping is NOT a sport
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want
Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates
Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar
Remind us frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops
What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it
That's what we do
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem
See a doctor.
Check your oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you think you're fat, you probably are
Don't ask us
We refuse to answer.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle
We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out
Get over it
And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour
We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched
We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing's wrong
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine
Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
No NO you really do have too many shoes.
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
I'm in shape
ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping.
